I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
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They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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