Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
