His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
