Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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