it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
