all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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