I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
