first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
