Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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