I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
