You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
