Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
