I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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