Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how does that bad decision feel?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
