WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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