Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
