she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
