I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
