i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
