I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
