the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
