Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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