i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
