i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
