I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
