Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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