dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
