Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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