Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
