Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
