I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
