I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
