i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
