i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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