john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
