So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
