I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
