I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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