I don't remember. Are we still dating?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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