Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
