My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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