none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
MIDGETS
????
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
