Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
