He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well you can't waste a boner
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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