I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
