Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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