My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's get the cat blown out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
