I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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