i would punch a child for taco bell
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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