you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize