So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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