you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
