He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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