girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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