you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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