Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
