woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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