speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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