he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
