Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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