If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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