6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
