she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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