i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
