The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
