You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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