Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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