somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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