You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
