dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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